Why are women so angry all the time?

“ Women after 30s are driven by hormones and not by brain”, I heard this comment by one of my trainers in an organisation. The comment was meant to ease me down but it broke my heart by listening to such a perception about women from other women.

While I totally hate this comment but I can not completely disagree about the rise of anger and anxiety in women.

What interested me in this topic was my own level of anger. I would scream at the top of the voice on things which are definitely not worth my anger. I have seen several angry women in neighbourhood, in malls and have always dreaded becoming like that.

But honestly what has created the perception that women are mostly angry? And if that is the fact what makes the women so angry.

So I started researching on it. I noted when and why I get angry. I finally assessed that my anger was a result of the excessive workload from home and office, a hyperactive toddler and no help from anyone in the home.I would get angry whenever I felt overwhelmed but the result was no different.

Women have been working at home, at offices without the flexibility or support they need. A one hour break or nap feels like a far fetched dream and some me time is a luxury. If you want to work for your goal then it is your choice if you want to take double the burden.There has never been a system of discussing the pain point of a woman who gets angry.

Women have not been taught to acknowledge or manage our anger so much as to fear, ignore, hide and transform it. So I have developed an approach to calm down my anger and channelise it in the right direction.

What I  Noted:

  • I should get assertive, outspoken and strict but never angry.
  • I realised that my anger was a lot due to lack of rest and extreme pressurizing job
  • I noted my trigger points and when I noticed them, I took an escape to walk or watch something positive.
  • I realised that my anger was a lot due to lack of rest and extreme pressurizing job
  • I noted my trigger points and when I noticed them, I took an escape to walk or watch something positive.

What changes did I make:

Family comes first:

I realised how every stressful day at work was making me angry at everything my husband said or my daughter did.  I realised that I am damaging the most important relationship for something completely transactional.  It doesn’t come easy. You need to put in a lot of mindful thoughts, every time you are triggered to get angry. I have completely stopped getting angry at my husband and baby as they are the people love the most.

Solution oriented approach:

I realised that getting angry was not really helping me. If there is a problem or situation that is making you angry, then ask your self what can be the possible solution. Brainstorm rather than getting angry about it.

Talk about your issues openly:

If there is excess workload at home. You got to talk about it openly. Remember that talking is better than creating a mindless scene when you are overwhelmed with emotions and tiredness.

Angry people are topics of fun:

I have noted that nothing that I say in anger is ever taken seriously. You only end up becoming a topic of discussion and people stop respecting you.

Leave one thing that’s stressing you the most:

I am not saying that you should leave the job to but do the right expectation setting look for a change but never compromise on your mental and emotional well being.

Take counselling if required:

I went for therapy since I was so upset and wasn’t able to decide my next move. Remember that counselling sessions are not only for depression or serious anxiety.

Get yourself checked:

If your anger continues, you must get yourself checked, there can several hidden hormonal reasons like thyroid, PCOD etc. for a sudden anger rise. With better medication and lifestyle changes, we can definitely do better.

Forgive yourself for the outburst:

If you have already reacted about something, learn to normalize it. It is normal to overreact at times but it is not a good idea to beat yourself up. Make a note of things you could do better in the situation and try to implement in future.

Express your anger in a constructive way:

Never hide your anger or disagreement. If you are prone to get mad in a certain situation, take your time and then discuss with an open mindset.

Women have been supressing their feelings for a long time, an outburst of emotion is natural. All we need to understand is, we must speak out, move away, change or accept what it takes to get our mental health.

Speak up, take your space. Do what you like. Seek help, give instruction, manage life the way you want but never supress your emotions!

Your emotional and mental sanity is priceless for you, your family and us #thewomum!

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