Let me start by saying that I love my little one and no matter how challenging it gets to be a mom, a working mom, a frustrated wife, a new age woman, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Not a very long ago, almost about same time, I was sitting on the floor of my balcony crying for technically no reason. I am grateful for this beautiful life and amazing family I have.
I was crying because I was tiered frustrated and deprived of sleep. I was low every time I looked at myself in the mirror. I could not relate with the girl I saw in the mirror. It wasn’t the same me who was always well dressed, well groomed, had a smiling face and bright eyes/
I was crying because no matter how hard. I tried I could not become the same patient girl I was, anything could put my mood off. I could fight over anything .Trust me I hated fighting with him but I always ended up fighting
I was crying as people around me were constantly judging me for not being a good mom, for being overweight, for not keeping my house clean, for not feeding my baby exactly how they would.
I was crying because no matter how much hard work I put in to my work, all my work was ignored in a blink as I went on a maternity leave.
I was crying as I wasn’t able to read that book I ordered with so much curiosity. The red nail paint I ordered was dried. The beautiful dresses in my cupboard were either tight or there were never enough reasons to wear them.
I was crying for not being able to spend good time with the man I love the most. I was crying as I was disconnected from all my friends and family. But then I was calm, I could feel lighter.
My mind was peaceful like what we get after a meditation. Crying can be a therapy at times
Then, when my sanity returned, I realized that I am a mom and have to lead by example.
I never want my daughter to break down, no matter what and give up.
So I started re thing what exactly this was all about.
And I realized:
- I was tired and sleepless
- I was probably sick and should get myself checked.
- I was not having the right food
- I was not meditating
In short I was not taking care of myself. Not loving myself enough to be able to love others.
Whenever I find myself in such a situation. I journal. I write ,plan, make an exhaustive list of everything that comes to my mind and that works like wonders for me.
These are the things I started doing to come out of this postpartum personality crisis, the anguish and low
- I decided to move: Yes, I did not say workout as, thinking about a fancy workout from the dark place where I stood was exhausting enough. I did not promise to work out every morning rather. I only decide to sit on my yoga mat 10 minutes every day, anytime I get. Yes do not expect mom a new born mom to get up early in the morning. So every day I sat on my mat doing nothing but thinking and reflecting. Doing simplest of the stretches or moves that felt easy.
- I got myself checked– I realized how everything from laundry to meeting relatives was important to, me but visiting a doctor. I literally pushed myself to my doctor and I was detected with post-partum thyroid lapse. It’s a hormonal thing, and feeling low ,depressed ,tiered and angry comes as a part and parcel if you do not take care of yourself
- I realized I need to eat well too: I never gave a thought to how important it is for me to eat well, in order keep people around me healthy and happy. Eating right, eating on time. Having supplements all are things ,which you can never avoid
- I found my love: Over years we learn to love everyone but yourself. I know it’s easy to say but actually realizing self-love is something else. Respecting yourself emotionally and physically is extremely important.
- Do things you love: What I realized in all these days, is you dot need your partner or kid around all the time for being happy. You need to find things which make you happy. Find more of things and do more of things which make you happy.
- Becoming a mom or a wife doesn’t mean you can’t have it all: You don’t have to quit having fun. Doing things you love. Having ambitions. Trust me it all gets in place with time. All you need to do is calm down, meditate and be happy with the little fellow.
I never had enough courage to share this but now that I realize that there would be many like me on the same path struggling to be happy and sane again. To all of you, trust me it will all be fine in time
I hope you found this article helpful. How did you cope up with the postpartum anxiety and loss of identity ? Please do let me know by commenting below.
Believe and good things will happen to you!
Lokah Samastah sukhino bhavantu!