How I lost & found myself during my motherhood journey ?

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Let me start by saying that I love my little one and no matter how challenging it gets to be a mom, a working mom, a frustrated wife, a new age woman, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Not a very long ago, almost about same time, I was sitting on the floor of my balcony crying for technically no reason. I am grateful for this beautiful life and amazing family I have.

I was crying because I was tiered frustrated and deprived of sleep. I was low every time I looked at myself in the mirror. I could not relate with the girl I saw in the mirror. It wasn’t the same me who was always well dressed, well groomed, had a smiling face and bright eyes/

I was crying because no matter how hard. I tried I could not become the same patient girl I was, anything could put my mood off. I could fight over anything .Trust me I hated fighting with him but I always ended up fighting

I was crying as people around me were constantly judging me for not being a good mom, for being overweight, for not keeping my house clean, for not feeding my baby exactly how they would.

I was crying because no matter how much hard work I put in to my work, all my work was ignored in a blink as I went on a maternity leave.

I was crying as I wasn’t able to read that book I ordered with so much curiosity. The red nail paint I ordered was dried. The beautiful dresses in my cupboard were either tight or there were never enough reasons to wear them.

I was crying for not being able to spend good time with the man I love the most. I was crying as I was disconnected from all my friends and family. But then I was calm, I could feel lighter.

My mind was peaceful like what we get after a meditation. Crying can be a therapy at times

Then, when my sanity returned, I realized that I am a mom and have to lead by example.

I never want my daughter to break down, no matter what and give up.

So I started re thing what exactly this was all about.

And I realized:

  • I was tired and sleepless
  • I was probably sick and should get myself checked.
  • I was not having the right food
  • I was not meditating

 

 

In short I was not taking care of myself. Not loving myself enough to be able to love others.

 

Whenever I find myself in such a situation. I journal. I write ,plan, make an exhaustive list of everything that comes to my mind and that works like wonders for me.

 

These are the things I started doing to come out of this postpartum personality crisis, the anguish and low

 

  1. I decided to move: Yes, I did not say workout as, thinking about a fancy workout from the dark place where I stood was exhausting enough. I did not promise to work out every morning rather. I only decide to sit on my yoga mat 10 minutes every day, anytime I get. Yes do not expect mom a new born mom to get up early in the morning. So every day I sat on my mat doing nothing but thinking and reflecting. Doing simplest of the stretches or moves that felt easy.
  2. I got myself checked– I realized how everything from laundry to meeting relatives was important to, me but visiting a doctor. I literally pushed myself to my doctor and I was detected with post-partum thyroid lapse. It’s a hormonal thing, and feeling low ,depressed ,tiered and angry comes as a part and parcel if you do not take care of yourself
  3. I realized I need to eat well too: I never gave a thought to how important it is for me to eat well, in order keep people around me healthy and happy. Eating right, eating on time. Having supplements all are things ,which you can never avoid
  4. I found my love: Over years we learn to love everyone but yourself. I know it’s easy to say but actually realizing self-love is something else. Respecting yourself emotionally and physically is extremely important.
  5. Do things you love: What I realized in all these days, is you dot need your partner or kid around all the time for being happy. You need to find things which make you happy. Find more of things and do more of things which make you happy.
  6. Becoming a mom or a wife doesn’t mean you can’t have it all: You don’t have to quit having fun. Doing things you love. Having ambitions. Trust me it all gets in place with time. All you need to do is calm down, meditate and be happy with the little fellow.

I never had enough courage to share this but now that I realize that there would be many like me on the same path struggling to be happy and sane again. To all of you, trust me it will all be fine in time

I hope you found this article helpful. How did you cope up with the postpartum anxiety and loss of identity ? Please do let me know by commenting below.

Believe and good things will happen to you!

Lokah Samastah sukhino bhavantu!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Babies Love water in summers but does their skin love it as much?

By Preeti Roy

Taking care of your baby’s skin can be very different in summers than in any other season. My daughter is enjoying her first summer and it’s almost impossible to take her away from water. If I put her into a bath tub, she refuses to come out. She loves playing and splashing water all the time.

I used to love the happiness on her face when she plays with water and sings a song in her own language which goes like “mumm mumm”. But I soon realized that with every bath, her skin was drying and turning red. I got really worried and started applying different oils and creams but nothing worked.

I was discussing the same with a friend who told me to try Baby Dove products. She told me that Baby Dove products are made with 100% skin natural nutrients and are mild and gentle on baby’s skin. We always think of dryness as a winter phenomenon but the reality is water in summers can make your baby’s skin dry and harsh as it washes away the moisture from the baby skin. Thus, constant moisturization is the key to maintaining healthy baby skin and a must to be ensured in summers.

A further research suggested that Baby Dove products are:

· Free from parabens, sulphates and phthalates

· Hypoallergenic and pH-neutral

· Dermatologist and pediatrician-tested

· Gently moisturizes skin for up to 24 hours

From that day, I have included Baby Dove Body Wash and Baby Dove Body Lotion in her bathing routine to ensure her skin remains soft and healthy. I have also started to give her a nice massage at her bed time, which helps her to wake up with healthy skin every morning.

Would recommend you to try Baby Dove products today and share your experience!

Be little more happier: 6 things happier women do differently

I looked at my phone and kept looking at the beautiful photographs of my social media family, I smiled looking at their beautiful vacation photographs, I envied a bit at their amazing stylish dresses, I was amazed to see their impeccable houses.  By the time I was done checking out all the profiles, I was already low on energy, thinking how happy everyone else was.

Not that I haven’t read tons of articles on how we must not be affected by social media lime light and how It’s just everyone’s best side out there.

Still, it made me feel little bitter.

I was interrupted by my Lo pulling my hand to play with her .I switched off my phone and decided to spend the rest of the day connected to people rather than pictures.

It was hardly 10 minutes when I realized, ow happy my life is. My house might be messy, my dresses might not be perfect but my life is beautiful.

Point I am trying to make is, the way pour life have turned, it is impossible to stay unaffected by stress, we may feel low and sad at time, but all we need to do is get back on our feet every time we feel like giving up.

These are 6 favorite ways to cope up with stress and low self-esteem on difficult days:

  1. Know what you really value in life: You must know
  2. Choose your thought and responses wisely
  3. Keep a good Company
  4. Spend time with your people
  5. Have a passion
  6. Practice Self love

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Letter to the understated parent in the parenting: the daddy cool


Dear Daddy cool,

I hear you. I know I have been ranting continuously about my challenges about giving birth, taking care of the toddler and the long sleepless nights, but I know you have through all this with me.

I see you every morning, waking up with puffy eyes yet a smile on your face. You were awake all night along with the baby, so I could rest for my back. I know I didn’t thank you enough but I am glad my daughter got a super doting daddy like you.

 I know the only reason you shifted near my office so that me and our daughter could spend more time together. I want to thanks you for travelling across two cities every day to let me and my daughter be together for longer.

I know you love us more than anything else in the world, at least your eyes proved the same when I was in pain. I can see how focused and responsible you have become after becoming a dad.

You don’t even let us realize how tired you are every evening.  I know you are working hard to make our life comfortable and we are so proud of you.

 I love watching you when you make her sleep, humming lullabies.

The other day in the restaurant, you waited with baby in your arms, so that I can eat at peace. I could see surprised eyes looking at us. I know I have never told you enough but you really are the daddy cool.

You help me hold it all together. I know I keep bragging, how well I am juggling my life, what I never told you how you are real force which helps me keep it all together.

So today, I want to thank you for all the nights you were awake with us, all the days where you were smiling even after all the chaos.

Thank you for being there as the pillar of strength in our lives.

P.S please postpone your all boys’ party next weekend and take us out (wink wink)

We love you!!

A big shout out to all the cool dads out there!

Hope you enjoyed reading this blog. What is you favourite daddy baby moment? I would love to hear from you!

Believe and good things will happen to you!

Lokah Samastah sukhino bhavantu!

Becoming a mom makes you better at mom:

My baby came to my life and made the life beautiful. This is an amazing feeling to be around your little one. Becoming a mother is a life changing experience. It affects you in ways, you could never think about. Apart from the hectic and tedious life around diapers, cleaning and feeding, there were other things which were changing too.

It did not happen all of a sudden but gradually one day at a time, mother hood made me a stronger human being, a better leader and excellent decision maker.

Most of the women have to prove themselves again after coming back from maternity leaves, we have to face motherhood penalty, in form of no promotion, less hike and behavior differences.

Doubting your intention to come back to work to doubting your capability to work after becoming a mother. Becoming a mom, gives a right to almost strangers to ask you questions like, how and why you are leaving your baby for work and how selfish were you to get back to work.

The widely help assumption eventually becomes a firm belief that you will not be able to focus on your work.

According to Dr Pilyoung, associate professor of psychology at the University of Denver says that the brains of women grow after having children. They noticed structural growth in several brain regions, like midbrain region, which plays an important role in developing ‘maternal instinct,’ and the prefrontal cortex region, which is involved in decision making, learning, and regulating our feeling and thoughts, over the first three to four months of motherhood.”

Amy Henderson of Tend lab performed research on this exact topic she noticed that the majority of the mothers were performing better in their careers because of their kids, not in spite of them.

Becoming a mom, is a miracle and that make us a magician.

Slowly and steadily we grow with our baby our brain grows along:

These are the ways you grow after becoming a mom

You become a better leader: Moms do make great leaders as you learn the importance of care and personalization like you do with your kids. Motherhood teaches us to let go off anything that is uncontrollable. It becomes our habit to know our priorities and take tough decisions. It teaches us involvement and helping other learn. It makes us patients and trains us to believe and not give up on people easily.

You become resilient: We become resilient as we become moms. We have a capability of handling number of sleepless nights with equally productive days. We are capable of balancing our act when we have demanding guests at home, naughty toddlers and a demanding project at work. We gain confidence to fix things, no matter how difficult it gets

You become solution oriented: As a mom of kids who tell you about their project at the last minute, to a toddler who spoils the party dress at the last minute, you become solution oriented. We learn to find a solution for every issue. That inculcates in us an approach to focus on solution for every problem. You always have a plan B ready to tackle the issue.

We master the art of prioritizing: I thought, becoming a mom will make my life complicated and I may get overwhelmed. But in reality, I came to realize what is important and what is not. I have understood as a mother that, my to do list is never ending, so I have to pick the top tasks every day and perform. The same theory works for work as well. I have become better at setting boundaries at work or home. I

We learn decision making: We have to take small to big decisions every day in life. We have to decide what is healthy for our toddlers, we have to find a good school, we decide what dresses they will wear. We become a better decision maker as you learn the art of researching and taking risk. We get confidant with our decision making powers with our practice at home.

Dear moms, know that you are doing a commendable job. You have no limits. Don’t believe if any one tries to tell you otherwise. You must have high ambition as you can become anything and everything you want at any point in your life. All you need is one person to have faith in you and that person is you.

Why are women less ambitious than men?

Do you think that we women are less ambitious than men? Well I don’t think so if I look at great examples like Indira Nooyi, Chanda Kochar and Priyanka chopra.

But when I look at myself and my other friend like me, I can see the dying aspiration to grow (not my current truth).

You may not hear this statement form people directly but may feel the powerful message through certain behaviors during and assignment or wicked smile on new suggestions made in a meeting.

I have studied this survey report (Courtesy www.bcg.com)

In words of bcg.com: They analyzed employee survey data from two global BCG data sources, comprising more than 200,000 respondents. Their findings reflected that Women are as ambitious and willing as male employees. What creates a difference is the support provided in the

So, being a woman, being a mother or having a family does not make a woman less ambitious

 Women are not less ambitious but less women are ambitious.

I am not talking only about a career or a job, as just staying in one role and growing is not being ambitious .I am also talking about our ambition to stay fit, look good and take care of our self.

How and when does this die in us?                        

Have you ever cited to yourself” I am comfortable in this job” or “I don’t want this promotion” or “I need to focus on my kids”. Have you ever said that “this position or company is good for mother so I am not changing my job” Or I don’t need more money.

Do you ever call your husband “the main bread earner of the family?”

IF answer to all these questions is a Yes then this is a must read for you.

I remember myself as the one with limitless dreams and ambition as a kid. I grew up believing that I can be anything I want.

But if I look at myself now, I cannot relate with the same ambitious child I was.

I am not in this journey alone, I have notice a lot of women like me compromising on their potential and calling it “Work Life Balance”

We stop feeling the urge to grow as we get married and have kids.

What are reasons that forces us to stop from being successful

  • We believe that we cannot have our own ambitions after marriage. We are brought up in a way where we believe that a woman’s life should only be revolving around her family.    Honestly my marriage has provided me enough of cushion to re think and re discover my dreams and passion.
  • Fear to be more successful than our man: I know that it doesn’t hold true for everyone but it has been a part of our thought process since ages. We have considered our careers secondary and made all h sacrifices required on day to day basis.
  • Salary disparity: Women have been paid less since ages. There is a known salary gap between a man and woman employee. So even if we want, our partners remain the main bread earners of the family and obviously his salary matters more
  • Fear of how success looks like:  Any big dream can scare you, as we don’t really know what it actually looks and feels like. People have always ridiculed success and money. People have been taught that success is evil .But the reality is far from this. Success is nothing materialistic, but a feeling of content and has very little to do with money.
  • Fear of hard work: All my life I wanted to follow my occasion, do different things but I could not get that much courage to put in extra effort. But honestly now that I am writing, I realised that putting in little effort every day, learning little every day is all that makes a huge difference in long run.
  • Lack of confidence: A lot of time we underestimate our potentials ourselves. We don’t believe in our talent. We take it lightly and ae mentally prepared to let it go. It’s good to priorities your family and sacrifice for them but it’s equally important to look after yourself and do what keep you happy and satisfied.
  • Lack of support at work place: It become easier if our work place understand that being a woman, being a mom come with different set of responsibility. Reports says that organisations with flexible work culture have better success rates for women.

My message to every wonderful lady reading my article:

“Dear Womum, you are amazing. You are free, you can do everything you want to. You are above every comparison and judgement. Dream and dream big, the success awaits you! “

I hope you found this article helpful. What are your biggest ambition in life? Please do let me know by commenting below.

Believe and good things will happen to you!

Lokah Samastah sukhino bhavantu!